Sunday, September 9, 2012

One month

One  Month
It has been one month since my sweet, sweet boy returned home to Heaven.

I thought that twelve years of caring for Bubba were hard but they are nothing compared to a month without him.

One month ago today I woke up like any other day and was happy to find that Bubba was feeling well. Hubs was working so he couldn’t play with us. {Oh, he works so hard for us.}  So, we went on an adventure with our friend Ms. Sherrie and her sweet nephew who was in town. We went to one of our favorite places, The Aquarium of the Pacific. We touched the fishes, we fed the birds, we laughed, we smiled, and we enjoyed a good morning. We didn’t waste a good day, nope…. never and for that I will forever be grateful.  


"Memories are the treasures that we keep locked deep within the storehouse of our souls, to keep our hearts warm when we are lonely." Becky aligada

The next morning was a very different morning and out of all of the feelings of guilt or regret each moment with my boy was not one of them. It has always been my mission to create memories for our family to hang onto forever. After Regan was born and Bubba’s health would have its ups and downs I was always worried that if something happened while she was young she wouldn’t have memories of him.  I am so grateful that she has sweet, happy, and fun memories with her Bubba, even from the morning of his passing. 

I learned early on in motherhood that a good day was just too precious to waste.  So, this is the message that I want to pass on to you today.  Don’t waste a good day friends, please!!! You don’t have to go to Disneyland, the Aquarium, or anything big, it could simply be a trip to the park.  Make sure when your child wants you to sit on the ground and play a game of Life you don’t dismiss them for a television show or a book. Make sure that you listen, truly listen to what they are saying to you. Shoot, I have to remind myself of this still and get back in the habit of it now that I am a mother only caring for one child.  ENJOY your children. Find joy in the simple tasks of helping them with homework and going for walks around the block. Look for ways to make memories, big or small. I promise you that you will not regret it if you do.

"Life gives us brief moments with one another.... but sometimes in those brief moments we get memories that last a life time..."

This past weekend I had several, HARD, but sweet opportunities to make memories with my sweet girl. My sister was in town with her little family for vacation at Disneyland. It was hard to get myself motivated to go but I knew that once we went and spent time with cousins it would be worth it. I pushed myself and I was rewarded with so many sweet smiles, and gasps from my little girl as we cuddled and watched the world of color show together. Watching her smile made me smile. {oh, how I needed to smile.} This is a sweet and tender moment with my girl that I will forever be grateful for.  The next day Hubs, Regan, and I went back to the hotel to play in the awesome pool with my sister and her babies. Again, it would have been easy to stay at home all day BUT once we got there we had so much fun!  We played chase with our sweet nephew in the pool until Uncle Jason’s arms could no longer hold him. I can’t remember the last time that I laughed that much.  It was a sweet blessing in the form of a new memory being made.
This week while you are with your sweet children MAKE SOME MEMORIES! I want to hear about them!!! BIG or little it doesn’t matter…. Let Bubba’s legacy inspire YOU to cherish each day and LIVE it! Today has been a HARD day. One month….. after I am done breaking down today we might just have to make a new memory of a dance party to celebrate that we have survived one month as a family when it felt like we wouldn’t make it one day.

 At the end of the day I will never regret beautiful memories made......



Amy-Sue and Gian Del Bello said...

Wow, Julie...just wow!! You constantly amazing me...and definately inspire me to be a better mom. You are on my mind constantly. And it's probably because your example is one that has touched my heart. I still include you in my prayers, both for you to be comforted and for me to learn from your example. Thank you for being you. But especially, thank you, your sweet Bubba and wonderful family for blessing our lives.

jenf7979 said...

Thank you for the reminder.

Shannon & Ricky said...

I can't wait to honor Bubba's memory w my own children someday...for now I will just treasure the time I spend w my Ricky. AND my pretend children, the Andersen kids :) Thank you for sharing your happy memories always Julie. I'm so proud of you and your strength!

Susan said...

What a comforting thought that Bubba had such a good, special last day! You have been so committed, all along, to ensuring that your children HAVE that joy of spending time in happy play and places that make good memories, but you recognize that it is also the simple hugs, kisses, and conversation that makes a child feel loved and secure, so I am SO glad you pointed out that the memory doesn't have to be a big trip to Disneyland or someplace like just has to be quality time spent together. I think that the one month anniversary of a loss might just be the hardest (other than birthday) but you will probably eventually find that the anticipation of having a hard time on those anniversaries will be worse than the day itself. Loved ones tend to surround you with comfort and activity on those anniversaries that are hard. It's a reminder that life still has those sweet, shared, compassionate moments to keep you afloat when your sadness threatens to push you down deep. Creating a new, happy memory for those days that would otherwise be unbearably sad is the best healing exercise I can think of. Your mission of continuing to provide Regan with those memory-building good times, even when it is so hard to do that right now, surely helps you as much as it does her. And Bubba would certainly be smiling over that, wouldn't he.?

Flyss said...

It's so lovely to "meet" someone who really lives in the moment and enjoys the small things. I have learnt to do this too, partly through working with special needs children who often very much live in the present. It's the best way to be because at the end of the day, life is essentially made up of lots of these little moments.

Your post has reminded me to look even harder for those moments and enjoy every second!

How wonderful that you can look back and have no regrets about living every moment with your beautiful boy.

Katie said...

Thank you , Julie, for always inspiring me to be a better person, a better mom and to not take all the little things for granted. I am so happy that you were able to laugh and smile and create some new memories with your family. You guys are amazing. Love you tons!!

Amy said...

So touching. I've read your blog for years (hope that's ok!) and you're honestly so very inspiring to me! Keep it up because your lovely spirit is being used to bless others when you don't even know it!

Anonymous said...

You are brave and beautiful