{Tender Mercies}

The days after Bubba’s passing were a blur.

 

I remember being told that I stunk and needed a shower after being in the same clothes for two days. My sweet baby sister was willing to hop in the shower with me if that’s what it took to get the job done that is love. ;-) 

 

Jason and I were lucky enough that “the Dads” {our sweet fathers} stepped up and did a lot of the foot work for us. They went to a couple of funeral homes and went to the cemetery. They discussed what had happened to our sweet boy so that we wouldn’t have to. They got us information to look at so that we were a little more prepared as we went into make decisions for our sweet Bubba.

 

The first day we met with the funeral home and went over the arrangements with them, we picked out flowers… they had to be happy and Disney. We picked out his tiny little casket, we talked about the viewing, programs, and finally we asked if our friend could be the one to take care of our sweet Bubba. We have been blessed to have an amazing woman come into our ward and bless our lives many times. This friend is a mortician and by pure luck we were blessed to have her work on our dear Uncle Bill. We asked if we could have her specifically take care of our baby.  She had lost her contract with this particular funeral home a while back but they went out of their way to make sure that they were able to get her to be the one to take care of our boy. This was such a sweet and tender mercy to know that someone who loves us, that loves him, was taking special care of our boy. One night she came to get his clothing and talked to us before leaving she gave us each a hug and said that she was rushing to his side so that she could carry the love of those hugs back to our Bubba. I can’t even begin to tell you how comforting it was for me to know that someone was taking such special care of my angel.

 

The next day Jason and I went with “the Dads” to the cemetery to pick out Bubba’s last resting place. We were both physically and mentally exhausted from not sleeping and from all of the hard decisions we had to make the day before.  I was completely overwhelmed as we stepped out of the car to start looking around at the available plots. Our first choice would have been in a child’s part of the cemetery but they did not have one at this particular cemetery. The woman pointed to certain areas of the cemetery that had available plots. “The Dads” stayed behind with the woman from the cemetery while Jason and I started to walk the grounds and decide what felt right. As we started to walk around it quickly became clear that the available areas didn’t feel right to either of us. We walked over to a raised area that she had already told us was “sold out”, as we walked around Jason and I both felt an overwhelming feeling of peace and comfort. This area was right. We looked over at “the Dads” and told them that we loved that area. The woman said that she would make some calls to see if anything had become available in that area. Jason and I continued to walk around the grounds and as soon as we left that area the peace and comfort we had felt left us as well.  I was feeling discouraged because nothing felt “right”. Jason tugged on my arm and told me to look up.  What I saw next will forever stay as a sweet tender mercy imprinted into my mind forever. “The Dads” and the woman from the cemetery were in the area that we liked looking around at the ground. Jason and I quickly made our way over to them and were told that there was one plot available in this area. We all started searching the ground for the marker. One of the Dads called out that he had found it and we all made our way to him. It was exactly where Jason and I had been walking when we felt that overwhelming peace. We both began to cry, overwhelmed by the sweet moment that no doubt or Angel had blessed us with. We all agreed that this plot was PERFECT. My sweet Father in Law then pointed out the statue directly over the plot. It was a mother holding her son in her lap. I think at that point we were all overwhelmed with how perfect this spot was for our boy.  My father in law said “I feel that this statue is perfect, it is only fitting that Bubba is by a statue of child being held in someone’s lap considering he spent the majority of his life being held by someone in their laps.” What a sweet and tender mercy that we found the perfect spot for our boy, that the woman went above and beyond to find us the PERFECT spot, and that our little Angel guided us along the way.

 

I am grateful for the tender mercies that Heavenly Father has blessed us with. I am grateful to witness first hand how God blesses our lives through the service of others. I am grateful that even in the hardest moments he lets me know that he is aware of me, that he knows me, and that he will not leave me comfortless. I am grateful that in the hardest days of my life I was blessed with moments of peace, even if they were only for a moment.

 

I am grateful that Bubba has taught me not to be so consumed by the big things that I miss the sweet tender moments.

 

Tonight I am grateful for Tender Mercies.