Wednesday, September 19, 2012

{Confessions of a grief stricken Mama}

Simply put, I have grief brain. Yes, I have become an emotional crazy woman but then I have a good excuse.. Right?? I have had lots of “grief brain” moments and I had to take a pause and laugh. Yup, it’s like the saying that I love so much from Sis. Hinckley “The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a head ache.” Ok, so yes I am still doing a ton of crying and this story I am about to share will attest to that but at the end of the day I am not too proud to laugh at myself. ;-)

I have been avoiding all of our usual spots, wanting to avoid having to explain what has happened. Well, last week I had an awful morning {who knew that I would still be dealing with the state even after Bubba’s passing} and I felt the need for some comfort food. So, I decided that I would go to one of my favorite restaurants, café rio.  This is the kind of restaurant that you actually have to get out of the car and go inside to place your order. So, everyone knew Bubba since we were always together and it seemed like we were there at least once a week {don’t judge me!!}. Well, it had been over a month since I had eaten there, over a month since Bubba’s passing, and I was hoping that no one would recognize me without my boy… just get in and get out.

I got through the order line, paid for my lunch, and was feeling good… I might just get out of here without anyone asking about Bubba. I went to get my diet coke and the owner/ manager {not sure which} was at a table close by working on his laptop. He was always SOOO nice to Bubba and me every time we came in. So, then it happened… he asked “Oh, you are on your own today. Are both the kids in school??”  A simple question, right? Well, instead of saying yes or playing it cool I did the only rational thing…. I started to ball. Yup, poor guy never saw it coming. So, then if things couldn’t get any more awkward I suddenly needed to explain the reason for my tears.  I told him about Bubba and the poor guy just looked at me stunned and telling me how sorry he was. Ok, so just when you think I couldn’t get any crazier ;-) Rather than thank him or play it cool I grabbed my food and ran… yes, RAN out of the restaurant almost knocking someone over.

 Crazy party for one… right here. :-)

Every time I have shared this story with my girlfriends we have all ended up in tears from laughing so hard. The poor guy had no idea that he was in store for a big helping of “grief brain stricken” crazy Mama when he woke up that morning and you know what I was worried about… Oh, no!! Where am I going to get my pork tostadas from now on?

Ok, so if you’re wondering yes I did go back. I have wonderful girlfriends that made sure that my second attempt would not be so utterly traumatic for any poor employee of the restaurant. I even saw the guy and apologized and he simply said “it’s ok.”  My friend said “boy he handled that well.” I told her that I agreed and that if I were him and I saw me coming I would have run and hid in the back. ;-)


Grumpwurst (Ray) said...


If the owner/manager was a parent or a doting uncle he understood your reaction and didn't think it was crazy at all.

Unprepared for it...yes. Think it is

Anonymous said...

simply said, maybe he needed that. maybe he needed the reality check... maybe he needed the enlightenment of a grieving mother. im so glad you had your crazy moment (if thats what you want to call it) my mother passed about 3 years ago, i still cry for her.. it gets easier to cope with... put its still hard.

Randi said...

There are still a lot of places I can't many memories! I wish I'd known about bloggjng way back then. You're doing great!

Summers Family said...

Thank you Julie for sharing your story. I love that every time I think of you I smile. Even when my heart hurts for you I can still smile because I see your beautiful smile in my mind. Keep doing what your doing, your making your sweet boy proud! Hope to run into you again soon :-) Big hugs my friend.

Christine said...

I don't think there's any right or wrong way to handle what you're going through. Somedays you're going to have it all together, somedays you are only going to be able to hold it together with some taco sauce. No one's judging. HUGS!

Susan said...

What happened is normal for a grieving person so I'm sure the restaurant manager was caught off guard and devastated for you and didn't really have the words he would have wanted to say. But I'm positive he understood your tears. Right after a loss, it's hard to go anywhere alone and not be just barely hanging on. It was good to have some friends to go back with you. Keeping people around you when you're out in public makes it easier. Even if they're not saying anything, you can FEEL the support. When I lost my husband--my soul mate—suddenly, and joined the ranks of widowhood too early in life, I discovered that for a while there were little "ambushes" every time I was out on my own. I can admit to RUNNING out of a store at Christmas when the music they were playing was "Christmas Just Ain't Christmas Without the One You Love". Cruel song. I'm sure people who saw me thought I was running out for some mundane reason and wouldn't have guessed the real reason. Time taught me how to fight back against those emotional ambushes. But in the beginning, when I'd tearfully have to explain things, everyone was very compassionate and helpful. None of us escapes loss in our lives, so many of them had experience with what I was dealing with and others knew that at some point they would be in those shoes. You've suffered the worst loss a human can face and you're remarkable in the way you're working hard to contain your grief and yet let it be expressed. You're a wonderful guide to others. Just always be aware that you're also a normal human being and that means that you're allowed to let your emotions show and be comforted by others. Some will have lots of words and others will just say "sorry" but you will know it's a heartfelt "sorry". I'm sure that guy in cafe rio will miss Bubba's grin too.