Saturday, November 9, 2013

Just call me coach

With Bubba I was constantly learning new medical terms... how to care for wounds... feed him through tubes... give medications.

I thought that was hard.

We were constantly at Disney land because that was his happy place.... that we his BIG adventure.

We were on outings all of the time to try to make the most of every second that we had with Bubba, knowing that our time with him was limited.

Then my life changed completely.

I was no longer that Mom.

One day Hubs asked me to go and sign Regan up for Volley Ball at our local park after she expressed interest in the sport.

Regan and I went into the park and rec office and asked if we could sign her up for Volley ball.....

they informed us that they didn't have Volley ball teams but they did have Volley tennis teams and that it was pretty much the same thing.

I later came to find out that no... no it is not the same thing at all! ;)

After the first practice the Coach informed everyone that he was no longer going to be able to coach the girls due to his work schedule.

Before I knew what was happening.....

Yup... you guessed it.....

I some how got suckered into being the coach.

After being finger printed... Yup.. this is legit stuff and I had to be finger printed ;)

I was now officially the Volley Girlz coach ... and had no idea just a couple of days prior that Volley Tennis was even a sport.

I called my baby sister and we youtubed and google searched the rules to the game.

I had no idea what to expect.

When you took one look at our Team we probably came across like the bad news bears..... not a team that would instill fear in its competitors if you know what I'm talking about.

With this in mind Hubs, my faithful side kick, and I taught the girls the basics of the game and above all Team work.

After winning all three games against one team the coach {right in front of my girls} cried about how the only reason that we won was because of the ball.

This coach could not believe a team like "that" could beat them.

This brought on many teaching moments with my girls and how we win and how we loose.

The thing is.....

we haven't lost....

My sweet little Team has rallied together to become the all city Volley Tennis champs.

I am so proud of these girls and all that they have taught me.

With Bubba I learned medical stuff and boy I thought that was hard.....

then I had to learn the rules for Volley Tennis and realized what hard was ;)

With Bubba our days were spent at Disneyland and now with Regan our days are spent at the park.

Everything about the way that I parent... the mother that I am is different.

Everything about our lives has changed.

I realize now how much Regan sacrificed for her brother daily.

She is my Hero.

It is her turn now.

Motherhood is hard ....whether it be to a child with special needs, a child who is grieving, or just a "plain old" kid... It's hard!

I broke down the other day as I was looking at pictures of our family at Disneyland together with Bubba...

worried that I was failing Regan because we weren't going on BIG adventures like we did when Bubba was alive.

Then it hit me this morning in the park after our Volley Tennis win.... this IS her BIG adventure.

This is all her.

Motherhood doesn't have to be trips to Disneyland and grand gestures to be memorable.

I don't have to learn medical terms and new treatments... to matter.... to be important.

My life has changed completely......

and I am grateful for the lessons of Motherhood that I am learning in each new phase.

I am grateful for Google and youtube and a little girl that simply needs a park and her Mom to have a BIG adventure.


Friday, November 1, 2013


Oh my goodness y'all!!! I am so behind on my posts and there aren't any good excuses. Ok... so maybe I am coaching Regan's volley tennis team {who knew that volley tennis was a sport!!?!?}... more on that later. Maybe I am getting stuff together for the Team Bubba pillow case drive.... maybe I am teaching art in Regan's school.... and maybe I have been doing shoots.... BUT those aren't good excuses.... I need a post ASAP!!!

Here are some Halloween pictures to tide you over and until I sit down and write out everything that is on my mind. ;)

Regan had some friends over for a fun dia de los muertos  make over/ photo shoot party and the kids had a blast!!! My talented and AMAZING friend Ce Ce did all of the girl's make up!!!!

My AMAZINGLY talented mother took Regan's drawing of what she wanted her costume to look like and turned it into reality!!! Poppie did the dress and I did the hat.... complete "pretty" yellow witch success!
She told me .... I don't want to be a green ugly witch I want to be a pretty one.
So, I spent some time on google looking up "pretty witch" make up and
this was what I came up with.


Halloween is hard for me.

We always had so much fun decorating Bubba's walker and picking out the perfect costume for him.

Oh I miss him so much.
My heart hurts with every breath.
One day I just BROKE down....
and before I even realized what I was doing I was driving to my friend's home.
I showed up on her door step broken.
I am lucky to have such sweet friends that love me, hug me during my break downs, and act as if me asking them to go with me to decorate Bubba's grave is a normal request.
They say that it gets easier with time....
THEY are wrong.
It doesn't get easier.... maybe a little more bearable but not easier.
This is our second Halloween with out our boy and it still hurts.
Oh how it hurts but with the help of great friends, that sweet little girl of mine... and my best friend we push through the hurt and reach for beautiful moments.
Beautiful moments that make me grateful for each and every day I have with my sweet little girl.
Beautiful moments that make me want to live each second with her and not regret a moment wasted.