{change}

Changes in life are of many kinds: good and bad, sudden and gradual, trivial and earthshaking. At this time in my life, this week in particular, I have come face to face with many changes. Some of these changes have been for good, some have been gradual even though it seemed to happen suddenly. With all of these changes, decisions, and choices I have been thinking A LOT.


How do you deal with change in your life?

If you had asked me this question ten years ago I would have answered by explaining that I handle change terribly. If only I could have seen myself then through my perception of myself today. I would have told myself that I was stronger than I could have ever imagined myself to be, despite being young and scared I tackled a very hard time fearlessly. Then there came a time when I had a baby and young child with disabilities, I had one strapped to my body while carrying the other, pushed one in a wheel chair while carrying an infant car seat. It was terrifying yet as I look back I handled the change with strength physically and mentally. {Man, I miss those Mama muscles I got from carrying that car seat or carrying two babes at once… wink!}

So,. Here I sit tonight with an entirely new set of changes. The first…. Today was my first day back to school in YEARS. It was amazing and terrifying all at the same time. It made me feel young and so old all in the same moment. Here I was getting “hit on” by a kid and all I could think was …..”my son is probably only seven or eight years younger than you”. My wonderful best friend PUSHED me. He wanted me to have something for myself. The course load I am taking is very simple and all photography based {big surprise}. This is a HUGE change. For the first time in a LONG time I am doing something 100 percent for me. I am so excited!!! I can not even begin to tell you how blessed I feel to have a husband that see’s a talent in me and wants me to grow and challenge myself. He will be taking the babes to school two days a week while I head off to school at the same time. Regan is getting a pretty good kick out of the idea that Mommy is going to school at the same time as her! Wink! She asked me what I was learning in school and I told her…. Then she looked confused and replied “but I thought you were going to real school mommy???” Before leaving for the Laker game tonight I told the hubs about my first assignment and what I had in mind. He then went on to tell me EVERY picture that I should e-mail to my professor. “Oh, she will love you and want to work with you!” In that moment another change happened….. Just when I thought I couldn’t love him any more, I fell even more in love with my best friend.

Ok, so another big change happening…… my forever baby is growing up. I am doing everything in my power to stop this but it just is not working. Today as I sat at his IEP {individual education plan} at school the discussion of him moving on to JUNIOR HIGH was a recurring theme. My BABY in Junior High, really???? I am terrified, Junior High is filled with hormonal, mean, HUGE, and scary BIG kids….RIGHT?? Yes, I realize that I am being a BIT dramatic but seriously can you even begin to picture my tiny little Bubba surrounded by these big kids, by teenagers! I am having to prepare myself for this change and I hope that one day I look back at myself with pride and how I handled this moment BUT right now, this second…… I am SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So many worries, how will he do? Will they understand him? Will there be, could there ever be a Ms. Sherrill there to love him the way she does? Will he grow and progress or become part of the background? Ok, then there is the vain one….. Does having a child in Junior High make you OLD??? Please tell me that it doesn’t. I have to admit though that I kind of deep down felt that way….. Some one would tell me they had a Junior High or High School student and I suddenly starting doing the math in my head to figure out their age. {am I awful for that??} Ok, yes…. Now I will be on the receiving end of it, I guess that it just karma, right?? Wink!

Speaking of CHANGE and Bubba, they have assigned him to a Junior High that I would rather him NOT go to. So, I want to CHANGE his school to a better more appropriate one for him. There are only 3 moderate to severe schools in our district so it might be a challenge. Hey, it’s like Bubba’s first aid said to me today “so if you get him in… oh, I am sorry WHEN you get him in.” Now, it is just a matter of how big of a fight it might be. Wink!

So, here’s to a new year filled with LOTS of changes. I will share more changes in another post, this one is getting wordy and let’s face it…. Most of you have already lost interest if you haven’t already stopped reading. Wink!

When I look back this time in my life ten years from now what will I think? I want to make myself proud.
 
What things are you changing or will change in your life this year????