Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Changes in life are of many kinds: good and bad, sudden and gradual, trivial and earthshaking. At this time in my life, this week in particular, I have come face to face with many changes. Some of these changes have been for good, some have been gradual even though it seemed to happen suddenly. With all of these changes, decisions, and choices I have been thinking A LOT.

How do you deal with change in your life?

If you had asked me this question ten years ago I would have answered by explaining that I handle change terribly. If only I could have seen myself then through my perception of myself today. I would have told myself that I was stronger than I could have ever imagined myself to be, despite being young and scared I tackled a very hard time fearlessly. Then there came a time when I had a baby and young child with disabilities, I had one strapped to my body while carrying the other, pushed one in a wheel chair while carrying an infant car seat. It was terrifying yet as I look back I handled the change with strength physically and mentally. {Man, I miss those Mama muscles I got from carrying that car seat or carrying two babes at once… wink!}

So,. Here I sit tonight with an entirely new set of changes. The first…. Today was my first day back to school in YEARS. It was amazing and terrifying all at the same time. It made me feel young and so old all in the same moment. Here I was getting “hit on” by a kid and all I could think was …..”my son is probably only seven or eight years younger than you”. My wonderful best friend PUSHED me. He wanted me to have something for myself. The course load I am taking is very simple and all photography based {big surprise}. This is a HUGE change. For the first time in a LONG time I am doing something 100 percent for me. I am so excited!!! I can not even begin to tell you how blessed I feel to have a husband that see’s a talent in me and wants me to grow and challenge myself. He will be taking the babes to school two days a week while I head off to school at the same time. Regan is getting a pretty good kick out of the idea that Mommy is going to school at the same time as her! Wink! She asked me what I was learning in school and I told her…. Then she looked confused and replied “but I thought you were going to real school mommy???” Before leaving for the Laker game tonight I told the hubs about my first assignment and what I had in mind. He then went on to tell me EVERY picture that I should e-mail to my professor. “Oh, she will love you and want to work with you!” In that moment another change happened….. Just when I thought I couldn’t love him any more, I fell even more in love with my best friend.

Ok, so another big change happening…… my forever baby is growing up. I am doing everything in my power to stop this but it just is not working. Today as I sat at his IEP {individual education plan} at school the discussion of him moving on to JUNIOR HIGH was a recurring theme. My BABY in Junior High, really???? I am terrified, Junior High is filled with hormonal, mean, HUGE, and scary BIG kids….RIGHT?? Yes, I realize that I am being a BIT dramatic but seriously can you even begin to picture my tiny little Bubba surrounded by these big kids, by teenagers! I am having to prepare myself for this change and I hope that one day I look back at myself with pride and how I handled this moment BUT right now, this second…… I am SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So many worries, how will he do? Will they understand him? Will there be, could there ever be a Ms. Sherrill there to love him the way she does? Will he grow and progress or become part of the background? Ok, then there is the vain one….. Does having a child in Junior High make you OLD??? Please tell me that it doesn’t. I have to admit though that I kind of deep down felt that way….. Some one would tell me they had a Junior High or High School student and I suddenly starting doing the math in my head to figure out their age. {am I awful for that??} Ok, yes…. Now I will be on the receiving end of it, I guess that it just karma, right?? Wink!

Speaking of CHANGE and Bubba, they have assigned him to a Junior High that I would rather him NOT go to. So, I want to CHANGE his school to a better more appropriate one for him. There are only 3 moderate to severe schools in our district so it might be a challenge. Hey, it’s like Bubba’s first aid said to me today “so if you get him in… oh, I am sorry WHEN you get him in.” Now, it is just a matter of how big of a fight it might be. Wink!

So, here’s to a new year filled with LOTS of changes. I will share more changes in another post, this one is getting wordy and let’s face it…. Most of you have already lost interest if you haven’t already stopped reading. Wink!

When I look back this time in my life ten years from now what will I think? I want to make myself proud.
What things are you changing or will change in your life this year????


Rachel said...

It is amazing - looking back and seeing how God has provided for us in times of change!

One thing I love about you... is that you remind me so much of my mom (don't take that wrong!) I just mean that she fought and fought to give me all the same opportunity an able-bodied person could have.

And Bubba has that in you. I have no doubt that you would be a formidable opponent if you set your mind to something!

And I am praying. For someone special at whatever school God has for Bubba. For friends, for compassionate and fun friends.

I am so thankful that you get to spend some time in a fun learning environment and getting to use your talents!

What a blast!

(And changes for us? Of course I'd love if Mr. Daddy agreed to another little Nerf-shooting bugger in our household, but I'll settle for just getting a real house this year! :)

Sandi said...

Change is good, right? I keep telling myself that. But life seems to get more and more interesting as time goes by so I am sold that change is good. Embrace it. And yeesh, my son turns 16 next month. I know you are doing the math... and yes, it was so crazy that I had him when I was like 10 or so......! Much love.

Foursons said...

Wow, photography classes?! That's awesome! Will you share some of your new knowledge w/us?

I just had an IEP for my 9 year old yesterday. He has "graduated" from speech. After receiving speech for 6 years he is officially "normal" in that aspect. So proud of that boy. And I am sad that his therapist will no longer be in his life. She is WONDERFUL.

I have already expressed concern about middle school to the special ed teachers. It terrifies me for my Jakob. Good luck and bring me good news so I can ease my nerves. :D

Palmyra said...

I can't believe Bubba will start Junior High! I will always remember him in Primary. But no, he is growing up! You know what I think is one of the good things about having children young? You always are young, comparatively. And honestly, you always look so good, fresh, and pretty.

Congrats on your classes!

Charlotta-love said...

I am SO excited for you to enter these 'changes', especially the school part. You will love it. (You might hate it at times.) It is always worth it, though! Oh, I'm thrilled for you!

Denise said...

i totally get you.

my son started 7th grade in the fall. i'm not old enough to have a jr. higher...am i? and just the growing up. can't he stay home, and mine FOR. EV. ER!

school. i have considered going back to school. i always say i'm going to and then i don't. someday.

and yes, isn't interesting how we survive those early years, look back and see that we even thrived during all that exhausting change.

as a result of change i have developed a motto: look back, hope forward.

when i look back at my life, God has always been life-sustainer, provider, shepherd, love, father...
so when change arises (and that is most days), i think, "look back, hope forward," God has done it before, he'll do it again.