Monday, September 12, 2011

for now I will worry...........

The start to this new school year has been rough. There have been several things that have just tugged at my heart strings. As a mother all I want to do is step in and make it better for Regan and for Bubba but I know that there are some things that they must do on their own. Regan’s struggle with a new school and not having very many friends has been difficult. On Friday she came home and told me “Mom, I just don’t fit in.” First off, I could not believe what she was saying “fit in”, where did she come up with that??... Secondly, I hate the thought of her not feeling like she belongs. This is something that is getting a little easier every day and we have our pep talks. “Regan just ask one person their name today and tell them your name, OK.” This has been hard but I fully expected this. What I did not expect was watching her class mates look at Bubba with disgust and ask Regan “Is that YOUR brother??” “What is wrong with him?” I watched as she became embarrassed and did not know how to respond to the questions. In her last school everyone knew Bubba and loved him. As soon as her friends would see him they would run up and say hi to him. It was never an issue; he was simply Regan’s Bubba.  I have introduced him to her classmates when they have asked but this is a very sensitive subject. I don’t want Regan to feel like it is wrong to feel embarrassed or unsure of how to respond, this is natural and I am sure will change with each passing day.  She is very proud of him and wants us BOTH to drop her off every morning. There will be a day and time when she will feel more comfortable explaining who her Bubba is and what is “wrong” with him.  I know that she loves him with all her heart, there is no doubt about that but it is heart wrenching for me as a mother to watch her have to struggle with this. {As a side note we have her signed up for a sibling support group starting this fall, where she will be able to vent with out being judged. A place where diapers, feeding tubes, and often having to wait while the sibling gets the attention is a normal thing. }

Oh, sweet Bubba! Well, he is THAT kid in the class. You know what I am talking about, the one that is demanding, challenging, and a constant well…. Stinker. I am sure that in time he will become less demanding. Oh heck what am I saying he is demanding!!! He is demanding at home, out in public, at church, so why would school be any different?? His teacher is such a sweet heart and is so upbeat and called me with reassuring messages that he was doing just fine. I just worry… it’s what I do, I am a worrier. I worry that he will escape, {which he has done in the past} I worry that he will drive everyone crazy; I worry if there is enough support staff to handle him. This morning I kissed him and went to walk away, I started talking to a friend that was dropping her child off when Bubba started to cry. He ripped his glasses off and the tears began to flow. I went to go to him and my friend grabbed my arm and said “NO, let them do it. They need to do it. He will be OK!!!” I am so grateful for her. She was right. I needed to walk away and let this amazing staff that I fought so hard to get do their job. I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said “Thank you, I needed that.”  It is hard but I know that it WILL get easier.

I have been weepy today and so worried about both of my babies. I know that each day will get easier and they will each find their routine and friends. God promises us that we won’t be given any trial too hard to bear, but we’ll still be asked to endure difficult things. This is a difficult time for both of my children but I know that their trials can become eaiser when we all rely on the Lord for help.


Kenny said...

I'm so sorry I couldn't spend more time with you today and that I was in such a hurry. It will get better. I know it will.

Laurie said...

Whenever I am around Lily, I am amazed by how many people will stare at her. I wish people could see past the outward appearance and get to see what amazing individuals they truly are. I guess strangers are the ones missing out and we are the ones that get to be blessed by having such unique people in our lives :)

Susan. said...

Whatever hurts our children, hurts us. I'm so sorry you're feeling the bite of anxiety over the new start. Many schools are doing a better job of educating their elementary aged students about connecting with children who have different challenges. But, in my humble opinion (as a parent, grandparent, and former third grade teacher), parents are missing part of THEIR responsibility if they haven't begun that education well BEFORE the kids start school. Compassion and understanding begin at home. Even two year olds can process those explanations on a simple level, and those discussions should continue as they mature. I'm sure Regan will be fine. Starting in a new school is daunting and even the most confident child will feel anxious about it. If, after three weeks, she continues to feel like she doesn't fit in, speak with her teacher. Teachers have all kinds of ways to ease a child's transition and help them develop their new friendships. Perhaps Regan could give a short talk in class about her brother and the teacher could guide the discussion and help her answer questions. It would be good for her classmates to hear her say that she is proud, not only of Bubba, but also of herself for loving and helping her brother as much as she does. That pride in herself is a position of strength. I think even her young classmates would find that appealing.
Believe Bubba's teacher when she calls to say he's doing fine. If there's anything they can't handle, they will let you know, so you only borrow trouble worrying about a "possible" problem. No one will criticize you, though, for venting your worries. Everyone who has children will nod their heads in agreement on how hard it is on any of us to see our children in a difficult spot. Guiding kids through life isn't easy, but OH, the joyful rewards! Just one of the rewards, for YOU, is knowing that your children, at such tender ages, are amazing teachers to the rest of us. And through your words of love and pride in them, we've come to love them too! We don't like for them to be struggling either.
Wishing you blessings to smile about this school week!

Rachel said...

Oh gosh.

My heart just breaks with you.

I can still see my little sister struggling to explain her deaf sister to her classmates and friends. And I knew it was just NOT FAIR to anyone.

But I am so thankful for Regan's love for her brother. For Bubba's love for his Regan.

Praying that God will build GOOD things in this time of hard transition.

Anonymous said...

I'm praying for your family. I hope things get better.
This post made me cry...I love your family and everything you have taught us through your blog.
I hope everyone at the new school will soon love Bubba's smile as much as I do!
God Bless You.
Love from Wisconsin

Rebecca said...

Yep, it's hard......So far, Joey will just respond that "Nothing is wrong with me. That's how God wanted me. God made me special."

Isabella will just say, "Joey is fine he just wears a brace for his leg." and then she changes the subject.

I know it won't always be that easy. I know there will be so many very difficult days (teens, tweens.......before and beyond)