Friday, March 5, 2010

"Mommy, I need you"

What is it about motherhood that make’s you feel so wonderful one second and like a complete failure the next?

I wish I new the answer to that. At the end of the day all we can do is our best, right?

Lately, I have been doing my very best just to keep my head above water.

Collin was very sick for pretty much the entire month of February and then some. With this he needed so much if not all of my attention. There were seizures and vomiting….. and a little girl that needed to be fed. If I put him down then he could choke… what to do? Luckily I have an amazing mother-in-law that lives with in minutes and came to my rescue often. More often than not I felt torn. It breaks my heart to think that I might be a complete rock star with one child while I am keeping him breathing and giving him one medication after the next …BUT ….then did I fail with my daughter that only wanted Mac and cheese for dinner and I had to call for help?

I was starting to finally feel like I was treading water well and then I heard these words from a sweet little voice…

“Mommy I need you… I need some time with you.”

You know what…. I needed some time with her too.

So, with my first chance {Jason’s first day off in seven days} I pulled her out of school a little early and it was just Mommy/ Regan time. Her teacher asked what we were going to do and I explained to him that we needed time together. He looked at me and smiled and said “I agree….since Tuesday {the day of Collin’s test} the sparkle in her eye has been gone.“ I don’t ever want her sparkle to disappear…EVER.

We started our day together by going to the Aquarium to watch a Barbie movie that she wanted to go to this weekend but was not able to because of Bubba. Guess what … It wasn’t showing any more. That ended up being a VERY good thing I think. Instead of watching a movie we went exploring.

First we started with the wonderful fish and things at the Aquarium. We were able to take our time and didn’t have to rush because someone was getting fussy.
Then we continued our exploring by walking to some bridges not to far  away. We ran up and down them. We looked at the algie in the water and watched men praticing throwing balls for the Dog dock jumping competion this weekend.We laughed...a lot!
Then we walked over to shoreline village where explored by trying funnel cake for the first time.
We met new friends. :)

We played games.
We hugged.... and held hands
And best of all we found that Sparkle!!!!

Motherhood brings out the very best in me. I LOVE being a Mommy to two amazing children. When all is said and done I hope it is the days like this that Regan remembers not the hard ones. Here's to more wonderful sparkle filled, happy, and memorable days like this!


EvaMarieva said...

She will :) I know I do with my parents since 5 kids and busy lives menat not a lot of one on one time with them. I treasure our fun days so much :)

You are a great mom and they know it!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you and Regan had a great time. There is nothing like having special time with your Mom...
Nicole Hutchings

Anonymous said...

Dear Sweet Julie,

You are doing such a fantastic job under such extraordinary circumstances .....You have been under constant stress for almost 10 yrs.....your whole marriage....please don't be so hard on are a guardian angel to your two little ones....a Saint in my book.....Not knowing what the future will bring or when can be "crazymaking".....a term that describes our experiences that is used in Therapy. I too had a son that died from a rare autosomal recessive genetic disease. He died at 8 mos......I almost lost my mind some days.....but the Sprit was always there if I asked for it, I said having the peace from the Sprit was like taking a half a valium, it got me thru....I prayed a lot for strength.....Also it must be hard to have your dear Mom move.....that would be scary. I hope this helps....if so I will keep posting. I am a crisis counselor who knows the Presley family from fifth ward...and worked with Jason in the Stake Youth Program....Don't doubt are a wonderful Mother........not too many women could do what you are doing....some would have put Bubba in a "home"......

Love to you all....

A Friend

Mandy said...

You are such a wonderful monther, and have been given much strength to care for your two wonderful children. I didn't write that poem, I don't know who did it was sent to me in an email. I guess I need to go edit that in :) Feel free to borrow it. Sometimes we just need to remind the world how special our guys are!! :)

Rebecca Whitcomb North said...

You are such a wonderful mother, Julie. You put so much thought into taking care of little Regan and keeping her happy. I love reading about all of the fun activities you do with her.

Melinda said...

I am glad she found her sparkle!

Trisha said...

Looks like it was a great day! I'm sure you are just the best mom. Wish I could help you give meds or something, but my 2 rugrats are soooo dependent on me right now, seems like I can never breakaway.