I am soooo excited that on Friday we FINALLY got Collin's new seating system and parts for his chair. It has been a huge battle..... yes, 7 months of fighting. I know crazy huh. You would just think that some things are common sense for an insurance company but sometimes... ok, every time seems to be a fight for him. wink!!! We decided to replace just the seating system instead of the whole chair because it saved us about 3 thousand dollars. It only ended up costing $3,000.00.On Friday morning bright and early I took his chair in and left it there. Then in the evening I went back with Collin and they fitted it for him. They were not ready for us when we got there. So, I had to hold Collin while he got VERY angry watching them take apart his "friend". After almost an hour they were done and Collin was ready to rock!! He was so excited to get into his chair and have it fit him the way that is should. He has had his chair since he was 3 years old and he out grown it a while ago. What a relief it was to walk out of that place knowing that another small mountain had been climbed. (We also got Collin's new walker. I will post a pictures of that latter.)
There are so many obstacles that come with being a mom of such a sweet boy. What would I say is the hardest?..... Is it the sleepless nights, missing out on events, the money that goes to meds, equipment, and 75$ a week in baby food, maybe it's the stares from people that we pass or the rude comments, feeling alone, the unknown, not hearing him talk, or maybe that he can't walk. Nope, the worst is the feeling of helplessness that comes with this hard calling of motherhood to a special child. What I mean by helplessness is that I often feel that I am at the mercy of everyone around me and there isn't anything that I can do. With Collin's wheel chair I was at the mercy of the insurance company and no matter how much I fought and cried it had happened at their time. When Collin is in pain I feel helpless. All I can do is pray and am at the mercy of my Heavenly Father to take the pain away from him. When another surgery comes up I feel helpless knowing that once again I will have to hand my baby over after the sedatives have kicked in and his sweet little body goes limp. I feel helpless when I see tears coming from his eyes while he sleeps. Wow, that is awful you must be thinking. Ok, yes it has hard times BUT there are some wonderful things about being a mother to a special child. As most of you know Collin turned eight on Friday. In our religion at the age of eight children can choose to be baptized. I was sad at the thought of Collin missing out on one more thing. Jason and I prayed, fasted, read our scriptures, and talked to church leaders about it. Collin is perfect and does not need that covenant to return to his Heavenly Father. He is truly perfect in God's eyes. Despite the conformation that we received the emotional sadness was still there. When I turned to my Saviour in prayer and asked him to take that pain and sadness away he did. In its place came the overwhelming peace and knowledge of how blessed I am to have a special child. I have seen so many friends and family members struggle with their children as they have been taken into Satan's grasp. I will never have to walk that path with Collin. It only makes me want to be better so that I can be with him in Heaven.
So, despite a very hard week and months of fighting I am grateful that this fight, the fight for his wheel chair has ended. We have been blessed with such an awesome tool to help with him. So, tonight I will take a breath... until the next fight!
