Thursday, June 19, 2008

Broken yet thankful heart

I have been wondering how I would start this entry all day. Well, there is no other way to title it but Broken yet Thankful heart. Our friends the Waites had a tragic accident with their youngest daughter Camille on Friday when she drowned in their family spa. My heart is breaking for them. To read Steph's entry's as she is having to go through this very hard time is overwhelming. Please pray for their sweet little family seeing as how prayer is the most powerful thing that can be done.

The reason that I write thankful is because I am so thankful for my testimony in Eternal Families. I have been with other families as they have lost a child and seen the pain of the unknown in their eyes. Collin has given me many gifts in my life and one of them is meeting amazing people that I would have never met if it were not for him. We have been to many funerals for children and you can see the difference. We were at an LDS funeral for a little boy that also lost his life tragically and everyone that I went with knew that I was LDS. They kept telling me how amazed they were at how happy the siblings seemed to be in such an awful situation. The brothers and sisters sang families can be together forever bearing their testimonies to everyone there that day. There was an apparent difference to the people that I was attending it with. They could see and feel the strength as the crowds of people that came and truly believed that Families can be together forever. I take such great comfort and joy from that knowledge.

I will never forget the day that Collin's illness became "real". We had flown to the National Institute of Health in Bethesda Maryland to see doctors there that had seen other cases of TTD. We were so grateful to have someone give us some in site into this awful illness. (seeing as how there are less than 100 cases in the world... yes, I know.. Collin is special.) When I was talking to the nurse the topic of research that they had been able to do up to this point came up. Then at one point in the conversation a question came "Would you take this opportunity to just think about what you will do with his body when he has died." We had been talking about research and they have not ever been able to exam organs after death. WOW, this punched me in the gut. She was very sweet and handled it as delicate and sweet as she could. It was just hard Jason and I never thought about any of that and to be honest we still have not mad a decision. Lots of tears and long night discussions have come up between Jason and I over the years. It seems every time he gets sick, another surgery, or we end up in the hospital our minds turns to the thought of what if. There is one constant in all of it over the past (almost) eight years and that is our faith and testimony in the gospel.

I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that knows us and is there for us through every single little thing that we have to go through. I know that things don't always make since to us but the wonderful thing is that we are not in charge so it doesn't always have to make since to us... just to our Heavenly Father who has a plan for each of us. I KNOW that eternal families are true!!!!

So, tonight I will hug my children a little longer, stare at them while they are sleeping, listen a little better to Regan as she tells me the same story again for the tenth time, be grateful to wake up with Collin when he wakes up in the middle of the night, read an extra bed time story to Regan just because and make sure that I don't miss a moment. It truly is the little things that means so much!


Mandy said...

Man that is tough, I hope your friends family feels better soon. Whenever I think of losing Caleb--with as many times as he goes into surgery that chance goes up so much, it just makes me sick to my stomach to not see his sweet little face everyday. Thank heavens for eternal families.

Hoskins Family said...

Julie, great post. Your plate is much fuller than others...bless you both for doing it so beautifully. Love ya, Daleen

The Gray Family said...

I know what you mean about taking more time to enjoy the blessings in your sad that it takes such a tragedy to come to that realization :<( Kudos to both Stephanie and you for handling your trials with such faith and grace!