Everything is different.....
But somethings need to be the same.
I am finding that no matter how difficult it might be for me to do things, they need to happen.
If for no other reason... I have an amazing 8 year old little girl that needs it.
The fall decorations did not come out this year.
My sweet little girl made this observation....
and then quickly let me know that she would NOT allow this to happen with our Christmas decorations.
It was hard.
Oh, boy was it hard.
I broke down with every ornament and memory that I took out of the box.
Regan walked into the garage to find her Daddy sitting on the floor in tears.
It was hell BUT we did it.
After we finished decorating for Chrismtas Regan wrote a letter to Santa.....
She asked for the normal 8 year old things but the last line broke me....
"Please Santa make my family happy."
I had twelve years of learning to do hard things for my boy...
and now I will learn to do hard things for my daughter.
So, with this said the tradition of the Advent Calendar will continue.
Day 1: Go to Disneyland to see the Christmas decorations and have some fun.
My favorite part of the day was the parade.
Regan has a new obsession with Winnie the Pooh.
There are two things that she wanted of her Bubba's....
the first being a stuffed Winne the Pooh bear that he snuggled with every night.
She insists on taking that sweet thing EVERY where now.
{The second thing was his blanket.}
She wants anything that has to do with Winnie the Pooh now, I think it makes her feel connected to her Bubba.
So when we were at the parade and this sweet guy........
it made her day.
It was one of those moments that I wish I could have stopped this guy and told him our life story and how much a simple little wave and kiss means to a sweet little girl.
"Real" smiles are more often than not few and far between around here.....
and we got LOTS of them!!!!
We love you Nana!!!
Day 3: Deliver Team Bubba pillow cases to the hospital
Day 4: Make home made pizzas
Day 5: Ginger Bread house making party at a friends
To be continued......................
2 comments:
Her very real smiles made me happy....and cry. <3
Regan is doing her best to put the joy into this Xmas, so to see her excitement over the blown kisses from Pooh is precious to all of us who have come to love her too. What a radiant smile! I know how hard it is to confront the festivity around you right now. Those of us who have had a profound loss know how hard holidays are-- especially Xmas--and how many times you are ambushed by simple things that keep reminding you of your loss. I know that you are trying to keep your thoughts in the right place so that they reflect the memory of how happy Bubba was in your sweet family instead of concentrating on the fact of losing him. I know that it sucks to have to do that hard emotional job of making your way through the journey of deep grief. How I wish you weren't having to face it! But I promise you will be okay. You are doing a good job of making sure Regan has the family fun and attention she needs, and that you do things in Bubba's memory that are deeply meaningful and a help to others. I hope you can imagine God's arms cradling Bubba in love and joy this Xmas and that it brings peace to your heart. Prayers continue for all of you, for your comfort and healing and whatever joy and blessings you can find during this holiday season.
Sending cyber hugs from Missouri
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