Take the good with the bad...

Saturday was such a lovely day. Jason headed off early to go and do testing for the CHP and the kids and I headed off to the Aquarium of the Pacific. I LOVE going to the Aquarium with the kids first thing in the morning before the crowds come flooding in. Some days Collin loves to watch the fish and other days he just wants to keep moving and doesn’t want much to do with them. On this particular morning he was very much enjoying the fish so it made our time there that much more enjoyable and slow paced. After our fun morning we head home to rest.

That night we had a ward activity at the beach. Jason and I had debated back and forth as to whether or not we should go with Collin. We have only taken Collin to the beach one time in all of his nine years of life, despite living right down the road from it. We have to worry about the UV and what it will do to him. After much thought we decided that we should just do it. We waited until it was getting darker so that he wouldn’t have to hide under the pop ups that long. Shortly after getting in the car and starting to the beach Collin started gagging. I jumped into the back of the van to try to help him and before we knew it Collin had thrown up all over himself and gotten me as well. I looked up to see Regan’s eyes welling up with tears. “Mommy I really want to go.” It broke my heart. Jason turned the van around and we headed home discouraged and unsure of our decision. We went inside and changed our clothing. I told Jason to just go with out us but he didn’t want to go with out Collin and I. “This is supposed to be a fun family night.” he said with Regan crying in the back of him. Jason and I decided that we would try again and stay for as long as Collin could handle it.

We got to the beach and it was heaven. Collin’s face lit up when I took him out of the wagon and he touched the sand. Collin and I stayed under the tent playing while Regan met up with friends and started right away on the perfect sand castle. Collin’s smile was his constant companion the entire night. He kept looking at me and yelling as if to say “I can’t believe we are all doing this…. I can’t believe that I am here too.” I think we all felt that way. It was beautiful to see Collin stroking the back of Jason’s head lovingly as they watched the water together. It was so fun to take him to the water and put his tiny little feet in the cold water only to have him pull them up as soon as the waves came in. Regan was able to make Smores with her Daddy over the fire for the very first time. She was so excited. It was a perfect night. The kids were so happy when we got home. Collin fell asleep with a smile on his face.

The next afternoon our perfect evening caught up with us. We were preparing for a fun BBQ dinner. Jason was making hamburgers, Regan and I made fresh lemonade, and had just finished peeling and cutting potatoes to make home made French fries when it happened. What we thought was going to be our third good day in a row suddenly changed. Collin started seizing, vomiting, and before we new it he was limp in my arms. The table that Regan had set didn’t even get used. Jason and I took turns eating in shifts so that one of us could hold Collin and monitor him. It didn’t stop and eventually I had to give him and injection of valium. After this was done he was able to fall asleep and relax. After putting Regan to bed I broke down in tears to Jason about how I just wanted a nice dinner and then before we knew it, it was gone. Then we continued to talk about how perfect the night before was and how most likely what Collin was going through was a result from all of that fun.

“Would you change it?” he asked referring to the night before.

I thought about it for a second. “No, we have got to take the good with the bad or in our case the bad with the good.” Yes, it was heart breaking to see my little boy hurting and in pain but if you were with us at the beach you know the kind of joy he experienced just by doing something that simple. He was happy, we were happy. We had a blast making memories. I think if Collin could talk he would tell you the same thing.

Most days are hard ....waiting for a good day to turn bad BUT it is the memories of the good days that get us through the bad ones. Sometimes I just have to remind my myself that we have to take the good with the bad and some how in the end it all works out. It is the bad days that makes me that much more grateful for the good ones.