I am typically a glass half full kind of girl. Every once and while though, I will let our situation get to me. Yes, the other day I was feeling sorry for myself.
Pity Party …. Table for one please!
What got me down you ask….. Well, since you asked I guess I will share. I MISS family vacations. I miss going with my entire family and having a blast some where new and exciting. When Collin was little we traveled to New York City, Philadelphia, the Pocono’s, and we would go to Texas at least once a year to see my family. Since Collin’s illness has progressed our family vacations have been limited to traveling to Maryland. Oh, that sounds like fun you say…. Well, it would be if we were not traveling out there just to go to the hospital to see Collin’s wonderful team of doctors. We do manage to sneak in some time in D.C while we are there but trust me it isn’t very “Collin” friendly.
The other day I was completely feeling sorry for myself wanting so desperately to go see family, go camping, goodness do anything! As Collin’s illness has progressed our options have become very limited. Even staying the night at my mother’s house would throw him into seizures. When my mom and sisters where in town visiting last month, I decided that it would be fun to spend the last night at the hotel with them. The hotel suite was huge. So, I was going to take one of the bedrooms for Collin and I to sleep in. This way I could put him to bed then stay up late playing games and visiting with these wonderful ladies. Not so much….. Collin started having seizures and vomiting. Finally I decided just to go home and give up on the idea of a fun girls night. As soon as we got home Collin calmed down and his seizures stopped. Collin can not have his routine of scheduled medications, environment, or bed time routine change in the slightest way… OR ELSE. It has been a long time since I have been to see my dad or siblings in their homes. They are very good about coming out here to see us and are very understanding of our situation. However, I still miss the fun of planning a family vacation, the excitement, and anticipation.
Then I had someone tell me a story about a woman who had beaten cancer only to have it return again. While she was fighting it this last time they found out that her son also had cancer. While she was in the hospital having surgery to repair problems from the previous surgery her son passed away. She was not even able to attend her own sweet little boys funeral. It was very recent and very heart breaking to hear. This little boy goes to the same hospital as Collin. I feel as though I have a bond with this family if only for that reason. This poor mother…my heart goes out to her, breaks for her, and prays for their family.
With all of this in mind when I woke up the next day I CHOSE to have a glass half full attitude because at the end of the day that is all that I can control. I can not control this beast that is TTD. So, instead of feeling sorry for myself and the things that we can not do I CHOSE to be grateful for the things that we can do together as a family.
If you change the way you look at things,
The things you look at change.
Here are some pictures of our lovely stay-cation.