Sunday, August 19, 2012

A broken but grateful heart



A broken but grateful heart.

I can’t even begin to express in words how grateful we are for the out pouring of love and support we have received over the past 10 days. My Dad and Step Mom had arrived the day of Bubba’s passing for a visit from Texas. It was a huge comfort to have them here with us. Jason’s father and my father were a huge part in getting things ready for Bubba’s service. The Dads went and checked out funeral homes and the cemetery beforehand to make things easier for Jason and me. The next day my baby sister was at my door step. That night my Mom and sister arrived to be here with us. The next day my brother and last sister came from Texas to be with us.  Yes, all three of my sisters, my brother, my mom, and my dad were by my side within days.  To say that I felt loved wouldn’t even begin to describe my feelings. Jason’s family also rallied around us, four out of five of his siblings were here within days to be with us. Everyone help take care of our sweet girl, taking her for fun adventures and time with cousins. While Regan was playing Jason and I had to make hard decisions about our sweet boy and what we wanted for him, decisions that no parent should ever have to make. It was hard but there were so many tender mercies along the way, no doubt sent to us by Bubba, to help us along the way. {One day I will share some of these special moments with you.}

Bubba’s service was this past Wednesday and it was perfect. Over five hundred people packed the chapel to come and celebrate Bubba’s life. This was an overwhelming show of love and support for our boy. {Especially considering it was on a Wed. morning.} Pa Pa gave Bubba’s eulogy and it was beautiful. It was filled with memories of our Bubba and all of the things that he loved, fun memories, and of course stories of Bubba causing trouble. There was a beautiful musical number by friends and it all ended with a beautiful slideshow of Bubba accompanied by our friend on the violin playing small world and Baby of Mine from Dumbo.

Thank you to everyone that helped in anyway with this beautiful day of celebrating our sweet Bubba’s life.
Many of you have asked about Regan and how she is doing. Yesterday was the first day that I truly had to be a mother again. There were so many Aunts and Grandmas around that she was well taken care of and loved. She is doing very well, almost too well, in some ways it makes us nervous. So, tomorrow the three of us are packing up the car and hitting the road. We need time to be together just the three of us, to talk, to cry, and to reconnect after all that has happened. We are headed to San Fransico for a bit. 
Thank you again for your sweet messages, emails, texts, and cards. Thank you for your prayers, we feel them…. Keep them coming.
Philippian 4:13 I can do all things through Chirst wich strengthens me.


12 comments:

Deb Newman said...

Julie and family, my heart just breaks for you, that you have to endure the pain that no family should ever have to face. I hope the many wonderful memories of Bubba that you have collected over the years help you get through the difficult road ahead. I am happy that you have such a wonderful family and so many friends to help you get through this part of your journey. Keep them close & embrace them, without them I am not sure how I would have ever gotten through it myself with Katelyn.
God Bless all of you,
Deb Newman ,^Katelyn's^ Mumma

"The guardian angel of life sometimes fly so high as to be beyond our sight, but they are always looking down on us."

Susan said...

I'm so glad to know that your family surrounded you with the love and caring duties you needed from them last week. It does make the pain more tolerable to have those you love supporting you, ready with hugs and shared tears. I'm glad too that you are packing up and taking a breather from all the distinct reminders of your former routine at your house. The three of you need that time away to regroup and bond in a different way that acknowledges this new chapter in your lives. Bubba will still be with you, always deeply in your hearts and minds, but his physical pain is gone and your hearts will accept that that is a good, good thing. Be open to signals from him that he's in a joyous place. Those of us who have received those kinds of "messages" can't explain them, but can't deny them either. And know, always, that you did your very BEST for Bubba while you had him here. ...just as you are doing for Regan. If all parents were like you, there would be no neglected or abused children in this world, there would just be children who KNEW they were adored. Please have safe travels. You're in my continued prayers....

Susan said...

P.S. The slideshow was the best way to show the love Bubba both gave and received. I cried most of the way through it, but still knew it was perfect. He became important in so many lives....a tiny teacher with a huge grin that could lift sagging spirits just for the price of looking at his picture.

Karen said...

I'm still here from Wisconsin and praying for you.
Safe travels to you. Can't wait to hear about it when you return.
Take care and God Bless You.
Love,
Karen

April said...

Oh my heart is breaking for you... May your hearts be filled with love and peace and you spend some time away together....xoxox!

Foursons said...

I continue to pray for all of you Julie. I am glad you are getting away with your family. I hope you are able to find some healing and hope while you are together.

The video is a lovely tribute of Collin. My absolute favorite picture is when Regan is sitting on Collin's lap and playing the little piano. Such a sweet moment between brother and sister. And the video at the end with Regan saying, "Come to Mommy!" that moment in time...I have no words. But it is a perfect ending.

Much love, prayers, and ((hugs)) sent your way. Thank you for continuing to write even in your grief.

jenf7979 said...

Let me know if there is anything I can do for you. ~Jennifer Fuller

Anonymous said...

You warm my heart with your beautiful posts and I feel truly honored to have witnessed your sweet boy's amazing Earthly journey right here on the computer... I can't wait to be able to actually MEET him one day in paradise! :) Your family will stay in my prayers always.

Kristin said...

That video was so so beautiful! I couldn't help but smile thru the tears as I looked at each picture of Collins smiling face. What a beautiful boy with an even more beautiful soul! Thank you for sharing. I hope you guys enjoy your trip and continue to find the comfort and strength you need!!!

~Tiffany M said...

Such a sweet, sweet slide show! Beautiful memories you will always hold close to your heart! Thank you for sharing your beautiful family with everyone! Like I've said before, you do not know me, but I have followed your blog for the last few years and I feel like I "know" you all! You're a strong, beautiful woman, inside and out! Many blessings to you and you're family!

Rachel said...

I choked up through most of this, but lost it at the roller coaster video. Happy and sad tears.

You know whatout Collin? He is so oversized. His personality, his joy, and his love. And of course, that smile that could knock you over.

So very thankful for the gift of his joy. And asking the Father to bring that same joy to you in some blessing every single day.

Tracy Jensen said...

We are keeping your family in our prayers daily. I can't even imagine this journey you are on. How wonderful that you recognized the need to get away with your precious daughter.....and give her some positive memories. I'm sure she will treasure them always. My heart breaks for you....