Called to serve..........

My sweet Father and Mother in law put in their papers to go on a mission for

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints.

 

Today this came in the mail!

 

So, we rounded up the troops .....

everyone got their phones and cameras ready.....

and then it was time to open up that white envelope.

{I think this is where my sweet MIL was saying OH CRAP!}

 They were called to serve in the Panama City Panama mission.

 They will be leaving July 1st!

{Their best friends are the mission presidents there.} ;)

We are so excited for them and Hubs and I are already planning a trip to South America. ;)

We are all SO EXCITED for them!

This is such a wonderful goal that have set for themselves and reached.

I know that the wonderful people of Panama will be blessed to have them their with them...

teaching them, serving them, and learning from them.

 

We love you and are so proud of you Nana and Pa Pa!!!

{now, we need to cram as much fun as we can into four months!}

 

Best Love story of friendship of all time...........

Once upon a time...............

There once was a little girl that loved a little boy with all of her heart.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A love and a friendship that will last for an eternity.

 

The end.

 

Today Regan insisted on bringing her Valentine some flowers.

Then she broke down and told me how it just wont be the same with out her Valentine.

{It broke me heart}

BUT

I told her that no matter where her Bubba is he is watching over her.....

he is and ALWAYS will be her Valentine.

 

Make sure you take the time to love each and every special Valentine in your life.

 

HUG them...

 

LOVE them....

 

and CHERISH each and every special moment with them.

 

 

{WAS}

I have decided that the word was is now one of my all-time least favorite words.

 

Ok, before you all start saying…. She done lost her mind!

Let me explain.

I find myself saying was a lot.

And I don’t like it one bit.

The other day I was gushing over a sweet little girl in her wheel chair. Then I got THE look from the mom. The OH what is her deal…  DO NOT PITY ME….or what angel is this chick coming from look. Shoot, I gave that look enough times to recognize it when I see it. So, naturally I started to tell her about Bubba and his special needs. She quickly smiled and realized that I wasn’t some crazy patronizing woman after all and simply a mother that understood.  Before I realized what I was saying she stopped me and said “was??”  With a sigh I realized all that I had said……Oh, yes….. My son WAS in a wheel chair. My son WAS special needs. My son WAS also hooked up to his gtube all of the time.  “Yes, was……  he ummm …. He passed away five months ago.” Then came THE look of pity that she was so worried that I was originally giving her. {How ironic is that.}

 

One day I was at a baby shower and my sweet new friend that I had made five minutes earlier asked me if I had any children. “Yes, I have a daughter Regan she is eight and I have a son Collin who WAS twelve.”  After a pause and her sweet face contorting to one of pity…. came again “was??”   I simply nodded my head with tears in my eyes and a sad smile.  She got it.

 

One day while Regan was playing soccer I overheard two moms talking about medical things and without thinking I quickly turned around and started giving my motherly advice.  One mom smiled at me and said “Oh, you must be a medical Mama too.” I smiled and said “Yes… yes… I am.” Then my smile faltered and quickly corrected myself…. “well, I WAS a medical Mama.”

 

A group of friends were joking about being minivan Mamas. We were all laughing and agreeing how stereotypical we were with our vans. Then it dawned on me…. “Oh, I WAS a minivan mom…. I guess I’m not anymore.”

We bought a brand new van three days before Bubba passed away. We were getting my dream van with a wheelchair lift! I was so excited!!! Seriously, when you think of crazy expensive dream cars a minivan with a wheelchair lift probably doesn’t rank on the top of it.  Luckily my Dad was in town and between all of the great men in our families and a WONDERFUL dealership they agreed to take the van back without any penalties. They happily gave us ALL of our money back despite putting 99 miles on the van. {Seriously y’all if you need to buy a car anytime soon go to Chrysler Jeep in Huntington Beach.} We traded in our old van when we purchased the new one. So, I still needed something to drive and my dream minivan with a wheelchair lift was no longer needed. I was suddenly a mother of one child and no longer had the need for a large minivan.  The men picked out a new car for me without me even seeing it. I don’t think I even drove it until a couple weeks after Bubba’s passing.  So, when I say that my ENTIRE world changed within days I mean it…. Even down to the car that I drive.  I WAS a minivan Mama and now I am not.

 

If someone would have told me that I could hate a simple word in the English dictionary I would have laughed at them but now…

 

 Now, I know how hurtful one simple word can be. 

 

I really don’t like the word WAS and thought you all should know.  

 

So, instead of ending this post with a WAS I thought I should end it with an AM…..

 

I AM the mother of two wonderful children.

I AM learning to reach for my grief rather than run from it.

I AM lucky and blessed to have been a medical Mama.

I AM not a minivan Mama…. And now I kind of like my Jeep. ;)

I AM and will always be Bubba’s Mommy no matter how far apart we are.

I AM not alone and for that I am grateful.

I AM learning each day how to be me again.

I AM sharing my knowledge from my twelve year education with Bubba to those just starting down this hard road.

I AM hurt {oh, am I hurt} but I am not broken.

I AM finding blessings every day and holding tight to them.

I AM a Child of God.

I AM the product of a Master Teacher who happened to be my twelve year old son.

I AM ……………….

 

more Texas fun

Let me start off by thanking my family for not sending me any hate mail....

I know that these posts are taking longer than they would like .....

and well thanks for not making me feel bad about it.

That is one of the hard things about "my" grief.... getting easily distracted and not having the motivation to do things that I once did.

Yup, its pretty crummy and I am grateful for an understanding family becuase I know they want to see these pictures.

Love y'all!!!

{I'm warning y'all now this one is going to be LONG}

Where to begin........

When we got to Texas we arrived to SNOW.....

DON'T JUDGE ME!!!

I am not a bad mom.......

we were not planning on

it being this cold. 

She did end up wearing more than a sweater I promise!!!!

I had to bum a coat off of my mom becuase us Sunny So Cal girls

just weren't ready for the weather. ;)

 

We were surrounded by love and family from the moment we walked through my Mama's door.

It was just what I needed. ;)

Coach, my step dad, is fighting Leukemia HARD and was

eduring Chemo while we were there.

His levels were really low so we didn't get to spend as much time with

him as we would have liked.

PLEASE keep Coach in your prayers. 

I'm just saying it now.... don't judge.

I just traveled from CA to TX and was a mess.

Shoot I'm tired, swolen, cried out face in most of these pics.....

So... don't jude this puffy crazy face of mine.

{hey, but I have on red lipstick!! ;) }

This is my BABY nephew!!!

 I was there when he was born.... he pooped on me...

and NOW... now he towers over me!!!!

I'm not sure I like this. 

Mys sister nancy made us all custim hats!!!

They are awesome!!

 

Ok, so this post went longer than I wanted it to and to be honest I could keep going!

 

We had so much fun!

 

I am so grateful for my family.

 

I seriously can't say it enough.... as crazy.... frustrating... and hard headed as we might all be...

we LOVE each other with all of our hearts and would do anything for each other.

 

I feel pretty blessed to have each one of them in my life.

 

OH, and guess what y'all.................

 

While I was in Texas...........

 

I rode a bull!

 

 {sister that has video better understand that if she knows

what's good for her it will NEVER be made public... EVER!}