for now I will worry...........

The start to this new school year has been rough. There have been several things that have just tugged at my heart strings. As a mother all I want to do is step in and make it better for Regan and for Bubba but I know that there are some things that they must do on their own. Regan’s struggle with a new school and not having very many friends has been difficult. On Friday she came home and told me “Mom, I just don’t fit in.” First off, I could not believe what she was saying “fit in”, where did she come up with that??... Secondly, I hate the thought of her not feeling like she belongs. This is something that is getting a little easier every day and we have our pep talks. “Regan just ask one person their name today and tell them your name, OK.” This has been hard but I fully expected this. What I did not expect was watching her class mates look at Bubba with disgust and ask Regan “Is that YOUR brother??” “What is wrong with him?” I watched as she became embarrassed and did not know how to respond to the questions. In her last school everyone knew Bubba and loved him. As soon as her friends would see him they would run up and say hi to him. It was never an issue; he was simply Regan’s Bubba.  I have introduced him to her classmates when they have asked but this is a very sensitive subject. I don’t want Regan to feel like it is wrong to feel embarrassed or unsure of how to respond, this is natural and I am sure will change with each passing day.  She is very proud of him and wants us BOTH to drop her off every morning. There will be a day and time when she will feel more comfortable explaining who her Bubba is and what is “wrong” with him.  I know that she loves him with all her heart, there is no doubt about that but it is heart wrenching for me as a mother to watch her have to struggle with this. {As a side note we have her signed up for a sibling support group starting this fall, where she will be able to vent with out being judged. A place where diapers, feeding tubes, and often having to wait while the sibling gets the attention is a normal thing. }

Oh, sweet Bubba! Well, he is THAT kid in the class. You know what I am talking about, the one that is demanding, challenging, and a constant well…. Stinker. I am sure that in time he will become less demanding. Oh heck what am I saying he is demanding!!! He is demanding at home, out in public, at church, so why would school be any different?? His teacher is such a sweet heart and is so upbeat and called me with reassuring messages that he was doing just fine. I just worry… it’s what I do, I am a worrier. I worry that he will escape, {which he has done in the past} I worry that he will drive everyone crazy; I worry if there is enough support staff to handle him. This morning I kissed him and went to walk away, I started talking to a friend that was dropping her child off when Bubba started to cry. He ripped his glasses off and the tears began to flow. I went to go to him and my friend grabbed my arm and said “NO, let them do it. They need to do it. He will be OK!!!” I am so grateful for her. She was right. I needed to walk away and let this amazing staff that I fought so hard to get do their job. I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said “Thank you, I needed that.”  It is hard but I know that it WILL get easier.

I have been weepy today and so worried about both of my babies. I know that each day will get easier and they will each find their routine and friends. God promises us that we won’t be given any trial too hard to bear, but we’ll still be asked to endure difficult things. This is a difficult time for both of my children but I know that their trials can become eaiser when we all rely on the Lord for help.